My theology has also never been orthodox. I face a minimal amount of persecution because my understanding of God is less traditional monotheism and more soft polytheism or panentheism. For me, God has always been and always will be Emanu-El, present in and of the world, though God manifests differently to each person and in multiple ways.
With that in mind, I have been reaching out towards other ways of experiencing God. Over the years I have found myself drawn to different types of spirituality. Especially helpful for me has been the practice of mindfulness, which I first learned as a Buddhist meditative practice, and then discovered in the realm of Western Psychotherapy. Now, I am exploring a Pagan approach to meditation and mindfulness.
My connection to God has always been through nature. I feel very strongly that care for the earth is caring for God, and that it is possible to communicate with God through building relationship with the land and with the various nature spirits that are present within the ecosystem. God is just as present within a tree as God is within a church.
Because of that particular belief of mine, I have always felt a connection to Celtic druidry, which has an even deeper spiritual ancestor within proto-Indo-European religious culture. I have decided to build a relationship with my Celtic and Germanic ancestors by exploring druidry, and working druidic spirituality into my own personal faith.
In the Druid Magic Handbook, John Michael Greer says that a Druid's daily spiritual practice should combine three components: ritual, divination, and meditation. Today, I tried this practice for the first time. I began with a simple ritual influenced by the Druidic Elemental Cross and Circling of Light. I laid out a grid on my dining room table. To the right I placed a small glass of water, to my left a small glass of wine. Directly in front of me I put a piece of homemade rosemary bread, and across from me I lit a candle. In the center of this grid I placed an empty bowl.
I said a quick prayer that I wrote which brought together these elements and asked for spiritual guidance and protection from Adonai Elohim, Sophia, Jesus, El, Asherah, and Mary. In the future I will invoke other names of God.
Then, I consumed the ritual elements in order: water, then bread, then wine. Lastly I blew out the candle and asked that the smoke cleanse the house of negative spirits.
Then, I meditated on the blessing of light and envisioned the blessing I received during the ritual spreading to encompass the whole world. I asked especially that the blessing extend to my family: my mother, my dog, my household, my extended family, and especially my Grandmother Katherine who is suffering from an injury that is having difficulty healing.
Next, I laid out a tarot spread for divination. Although many find tarot dangerous, I think that the danger lies in how you ask the questions and what specifically you ask for. I believe that tarot is one of the ways in which God communicates with us. I used a Druid spread, called the Three Rays of Light, which asks the card to reflect the past, the potential future, and the present. My spread was very good. I had two reversed cards, which made me nervous, but where they laid was actually quite fortuitous. My past was represented by a reversed Ace of Wands. When it is upright, the Ace of Wands represents the creative spark and the energy required to keep projects going. Since it was reversed, I read the card as a representation of the spiritual stagnation I've felt throughout the last few years. For me, the card is a sign that my inertia is coming to an end. My future was represented by a reversed Five of Swords. Usually, the Five of Swords represents conflict, deceit, and chicanery. Since it was reversed, I see it as the dissolution of conflict and the heralding of peace or harmony. Finally, the card that represents my present is the Queen of Pentacles. Pentacles is one of my favorite suits. It represents blessings and the fruits of the earth. The Queen is a representation of Mother Earth herself. She represents the nourishment of daily work and application of oneself to one's tasks. She also represents the flow of finances. I read the Queen of Pentacles as a sign that my new approach to achieving my goals is the right path, and that through dedication and daily work I will be able to achieve the things I want to achieve. And perhaps a financial blessing is coming my way...
Finally, I meditated on the question of how I can learn to be more compassionate to myself. I found my inspiration for this meditation in my Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety, a guided course of self-therapy for learning to deal with anxiety disorders. I had begun this workbook years ago, but had very little follow-through. I decided that using it as my source of meditation inspiration would be beneficial for me both spiritually and mentally. Taking the new path I have chosen for myself is scary and a source of great anxiety, so meditating on my anxiety and better self-care is, I think, a good spiritual discipline.
Finally, earlier this week I made a complex God's Eye, which Mom has hung in our kitchen. I like making things with my hands. For me, it is a representation of the Sun. I'm hoping it will bring a little light into the darkness of winter.
